Since the CHHS basketball team refuses to allow girls or animals to play, the athletic Joan of Arc decides to cleverly disguise herself as "John D'Arc", becoming the star player. Cleopatra then falls for D'Arc, making team-captain Abe "Weakest"-Lincoln jealous. But Cleo's not the only one falling for John, as fellow athlete JFK finds himself having confusingly sexual feelings about the whole affair. Meanwhile, Gandhi and Genghis Khan kidnap the mascot of Clone High's rival school, Genetically Engineered Superhuman High.